Throughout history gold has been a highly-valued commodity. During the Gold Rush, many people left everything...homes. families, some devoting their entire lives to the pursuit of it. God is a treasure far more precious than all the wealth on Earth, but unlike gold, He is not hard to find. He truly is a God who shows Himself. His truths are richly woven into the fabric of all creation. Our greatest insight into the very heart and mind are the Scriptures, but to find the real treasure, we must dig deep into the remote recesses of the Rock himself. One thing you will most certainly discover is the deeper you dig, the deeper He gets. In all eternity we will never be able to plumb the depths of God. It is my hope that perhaps through my own search for that 'Treasure above all Treasures' you will find something which will have some meaning for you. R.Whelan

Sunday, September 19, 2010

MY THOUGHTS ON ABRAHAM

It seems to me that Abraham often gets berated unjustly for his behavior in conjunction with the ‘almost’ sacrifice of his son. I think perhaps because the ones who question it, don’t understand the whole relationship between God and Abraham.

The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was not the same as the gods worshiped by the surrounding peoples of his day, nor does He hold any resemblance to the gods that are so adamantly worshiped in our day. Unlike the gods of the pagans, God did not require human sacrifice. He did not require the placing of their children upon altars in order to appease Himself.

The God with whom Abraham walked called Abraham His friend. It's not something you will hear said about the relationship between any of the other so-called gods and their followers. God walked with Abraham just as He walked with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, just as Jesus walked with His disciples. Do you remember when Jesus was speaking with His disciples and He said, ‘I no longer call you my servants, I call you my friends’?

This was not some ‘far off’ god. This was not some vicious angry god who made you walk a fine line, who made you offer up sacrifices to appease His anger in the same way as the other so-called gods. This God walked with Abraham as with a friend. This God spoke to Abraham face to face.

What happened that day on that mountain, where Abraham was to offer up Isaac as a sacrifice, was so much more than it seems on the surface. This was Abraham’s friend, the friend who had promised him this son in his old age. This was the friend who had told him that his descendants would be as the stars in the sky, too many to number. Abraham knew this God. He knew that God’s word was His bond. Somehow he knew that God would fulfill that promise and that He would do it through Isaac just as He had said.God had made it clear when he sent Hagar away with Ishmael, when He said, ‘listen to what Sarah says, for it will be from Isaac that I fulfill this promise’. Abraham may not have understood exactly how, but he knew God well enough to know that His word was good.

The way I see it, what happened on that mountain was a kind of pact, rather like becoming blood brothers. God tested Abraham to see if he really believed in His promises. Of course, the test was really for Abraham’s benefit. God already knew the outcome. He was not surprised by what happened that day anymore than He has ever been surprised by anything.

This compact between two friends was as if God was asking, ‘Do you love me more than you love these? Am I the God of your life? Are you willing to give up the person that is dearest to you for the sake of our friendship? Does our relationship take precedence over everything else in your life?’As I said previously, of course God knew the answer beforehand. He knew the answer from the day he called Abraham to walk with Him. He knew the answer from all eternity.

But Abraham needed to know the answer. Like the pact between blood brothers, God was saying, ‘I am going to cut myself deeply. Are you willing to do the same? I am going to give up, sacrifice my son for your sake. Are you willing to give up your son for mine?’ Knowing full well that it would never be required of Abraham, but that He, God would follow through with His promise and do exactly that.

It was a promise that God would provide the ultimate sacrifice. A promise that the very blood of God himself would be spilt in order to pay the debt for the sin of every human being that has ever, or will ever live, because the spilling of animals blood was just a shadow of what was to come on that self-same hill when Jesus Christ was offered up as the once and for all sacrifice to redeem all of mankind.

Like Abraham, we are all asked the same question by God, ‘Are you willing to give up everything in order to follow me? Are you willing to walk away from it all in order to have a relationship with me?’ In the end, if the answer is ‘yes’, God will restore to us everything that we have given up and more, but if the answer is ‘no’, we will end up losing it all, most importantly our relationship with Him. - © Rachel Whelan Sept 2010

A BIKE RIDE WITH GOD

If you've been keeping up with my posts lately, you've noticed that I haven't, sorry to say. This is not an original piece, but I heard the audio version of it again recently by Chuck Swindoll. He does an amazing read of it. Hope you enjoy the written version.

A Bike Ride with God
Author unknown
Written sometime between 1910 and 1985.


At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die.

He was out there, sort of like the president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know him. But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested that we change places, but life has not been the same since.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring but predictable ... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, and it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal."

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord's and mine. And we're off again. He said, "Give the gifts away, they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him at first, to be in control of my life, I thought He would wreck it; But He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says ... "Pedal."

Sunday, April 18, 2010

LOOKING-GLASS LOGIC

Do you ever feel like your name is Alice and that you fell down a rabbit hole and woke up in a place called Wonderland? I feel that way more every day. It’s as though I went to sleep one night and woke up in a world I don’t recognize, a world that no longer makes any sense. Everything is turned backwards and upside down, any which way but right, where the inmates are running the asylum.

I live in a world that will put you in jail for correcting your child, but encourages you to kill it before it’s born . . . that says you can’t control a child’s sexual behavior, but thinks you can control their drinking, smoking, etc. A world that wants to ban cigarette smoking and legalize smoking marijuana . . . that encourages sexual promiscuity, then wonders why we’re dying from sexually transmitted diseases.

I live in a world where you can't kill someone with a gun, but you can starve them to death with a courts permission . . . that encourages people to think only of themselves, then wonders why people are so selfish. A world that rewards people for not working and punishes people who work with confiscatory taxes. A world that calls those who seek the destruction of others freedom fighters and those who seek to protect themselves terrorists.

I live in a world where a country will fight to secure another country’s borders, but says there’s nothing it can do to secure its own . . . where governments claim there’s no such thing as God, then try to become one themselves. A world where schools encourage the parents to get involved in their children's education, then tell them not to interfere with what their children are being taught.

I live in a world where scientists say we can’t fix the Earth’s environment, but claim we can make Mars habitable. A world that spends millions on space exploration, stadiums, gambling and more, but says it doesn’t have enough resources to feed the poor . . . where people will throw perfectly good food in the garbage, then ask for money to feed the starving masses.

I live in a world where ministers don’t believe in God . . . where politicians write laws, complain about the laws they’ve written, want more laws, but won’t enforce the ones they have. A world where politicians claim they have no power, that they don’t know how the country ended up in such a mess, and act as though they’re not really sure where the bad laws came from in the first place, perhaps it was just another big bang, or maybe the laws just crawled up out of some primordial ooze.

I live in a world that can look at pictures from the outer edges of the universe, but can’t see the forest for the trees . . . a world that calls good evil and evil good. Move over Alice.

And professing themselves to be wise, they became fools. Rom: 1:22 © 1999 Rachel Whelan

Friday, March 19, 2010

I WILL NOT BOW

You may outlaw the name of God
Revoke my right to pray
But there are things despite your power
You cannot take away

There is a God who rules and reigns
All things unto this day
And His Kingdom does not tremble
Despite what you may say

For there is no power among you
That my God did not give
And it is by His power and grace
Not by your rules I live

I will try to follow your laws
But when I’m forced to choose
Between your law and His law
I’m sorry but you lose

And I will proudly speak His name
Wherever I may be
Though you may chain my hands and feet
And take my liberty

For He is God and on His throne
Though you may say He’s not
He is God and He shall reign
When you are long forgot

So write your laws
And loud proclaim your edicts through the land
I will not bow my knee to you
Nor any other man

Rae Holbrook (aka Rachel Whelan)
Copyright © 2003

Sunday, February 28, 2010

MARY (A SOLILOQUY)

Quite a few years ago now, a friend of mine asked me to write what Marys’ thoughts might have been in those first hours and days immediately after the death of her son, Jesus. Something that would help to convey the hopelessness that she, and all of His followers, must have felt at the time. This is the result of that request.


MARY (A Soliloquy)

Listen, it’s suddenly become so quiet . . . so deathly quiet.
Everyone must finally be asleep, everyone except me.
John keeps telling me that I should get some rest, but how can I rest?
Every time I even try to close my eyes, I can still see Him there.
It’s so cold . . . and dark.
Has it ever been so dark?
Oh, God, where are You?
Never in my life have You seemed so distant as You seem tonight.
Not even when my beloved Joseph died, did I feel this alone.
What happened?
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
You said He was to be the Messiah.
That one day He would sit upon the throne of David.
Instead, I watched them place my son in a tomb.
Why?
How could You let this happen?
There was nothing that I could do . . . but watch.
There was nothing that any of us could have done.
But You, Lord, You could have stopped them, and yet You did nothing.
At first, when He came into Jerusalem, and the people shouted His praises and laid palm branches before Him, I thought, at last . . .
At last I would see Your promises for my son fulfilled.
But something went wrong . . . terribly wrong.
Did He say or do something that displeased You so much that You would allow them to do this to Him?
Could it be that Joseph and I were both so wrong?
Did we somehow deceive ourselves and in doing so, deceive Him?
Oh, God, is it my fault . . . am I somehow to blame for my own son’s death?
Yet, I remember so clearly the night Your angel came to me . . . all the things He said.
Then there were the shepherds . . . and the wise men from the East.
Would they have traveled so far . . . would they have brought such gifts, if He were to be just an ordinary child.
And then there was Anna . . . and Simeon.
There were so many things that spoke to my heart,
Reassuring me that it was so much more than a dream.
But if not a dream, then what . . . a lie?
But God does not lie.
No!
I will not believe it.
He was the Messiah, just as You promised . . . wasn’t He?
Joseph said that the angel told him that His name should be Jesus, because He would save His people from their sins.
But He didn’t.
He didn’t even try to save Himself.
It was almost as though He willed it to happen, just as it did.
I don’t understand, but then I never understood what made Him do a lot of the things that He did.
He was so kind . . . so full of compassion . . . so wise for one so young.
And yet, there were times when He almost seemed to go out of His way to provoke the anger of our leaders.
He was my son, and I loved Him, but I don’t know that I ever truly understood Him.
There were a few times when I began to wonder if maybe His brothers were right, that maybe He had gone mad . . . but, in my heart, I knew.
Oh, why wouldn’t He just come home when I asked Him?
I should have found a way to make Him come home, then none of this would have happened.
But He would not be swayed, not by me, not by anyone.
He was determined to fulfill what He was sure was Your purpose for His life.
But, if He was truly the Messiah, then how could You have allowed Him to die before His work was finished?
God, I don’t understand any of this and I need so desperately to understand.
If only He were here . . . I need His strength.
But, I will never know His strength again, will I?
Nor His peace?
I will never hear His voice again . . . or feel the touch of His hand on mine.
I will never see His face . . .
Oh, God, when I close my eyes, I can still see the agony on His face.
I can still hear Him crying out.
God, help me!
Why did this have to happen?
Why did You let them do this to my son?
Why?


The Gospels don’t tell us much about what happened to Mary after Jesus’ death. We do know that our Lord committed her into Johns’ care, so I feel relatively certain that, in the days that immediately followed His death, she was nearby. I believe she must have been there to witness the commotion that ensued when it was discovered that her son’s body was missing. I also feel certain that Mary was one of the many hundreds to which He showed Himself following the resurrection. We cannot be certain, for the Bible doesn’t share any such private moment with us. Still, I feel, almost to a certainty, that Mary got an answer to her questions from that night. That she saw her son and His death on the cross in a whole new way as she looked back on it in the light of that resurrection morning, just as John and all the disciples did, just as we do now. I feel sure that not only was she given the answers to her questions, but that her hopes for her son and her hopes for a Savior were realized in ways she could never have imagined, looking at it from the other side of the cross.


Rae Holbrook (aka-Rachel Whelan)
© April 2, 1996

Saturday, February 13, 2010

THE ORIGINAL ARTIST

To the trained eye the telltale brushstrokes of the artist are in themselves enough to reveal the identity of the artist. Most of us, however, have to step back and look at the whole picture. Even then, we are often unsure, until we look at the signature in the bottom, right-hand corner. If we could just step back and look at the whole picture of creation, down in the bottom, right-hand corner, we would find the signature of God. - RWhelan

Saturday, January 30, 2010

WHEN I WAS ALONE IN THE DARKNESS

When I was alone in the darkness
Lost in my sin and my shame
You searched through the night till You found me
Took my hand and called me by name
Then you led me up out of the darkness
Past the shambles I’d made of my life
One step at a time till you led me
Into Your glorious light
© 1999 Rachel Whelan

FIRST LOVE

Do you remember what it was like the first time you fell in love. That wonderful feeling you got every time that certain someone walked into a room. The way you felt when you heard their voice, even just hearing someone speak their name. The way it felt the first time you realized they felt the same about you? They were all you talked about, all you thought about.

In fact, you probably drove everyone crazy, just talking about your new love and how wonderful they were. When they were near you couldn’t take your eyes off of them. You couldn’t wait to spend time together. When you were together, the time went much too quickly. You read their letters over and over again, until the pages were worn and barely readable. It didn’t matter, you knew them by heart anyway. Everything you had was theirs and vice versa. You told yourself there wasn’t anything you wouldn’t do, nowhere you wouldn’t go for that one you loved. First love . . . there’s nothing quite like it.

But as time wears on, we gradually begin to take that person for granted. It’s not that we intend for it to happen. It’s just that once that certain someone’s heart has been won, once they’ve become an everyday part of your life and you settle down into an ordinary, everyday routine, you find your relationship begins to cool. You never meant for it to happen. You don’t mean to ignore them, or push them into the background. It’s just there’s so much to do. After all, they’ll always be there, right?

Then, one day, you wake up and you wonder what happened. Yours was the love story that would never end, but suddenly you realize that you’ve spent too much time chasing other things. Somehow you’ve lost touch with each other in the process. The only way to rebuild that relationship is to go back to the beginning, remember those feelings, remind yourself of all the things that made you love that person in the first place and allow God to rekindle that love you first felt for that person.

Now let me ask you, do you remember what it was like when you first fell in love with Jesus? How you felt when you first realized how much He loves you? Are you as much in love with Him now as you were when you first met Him? Are you still so excited by the thought of Him that you can’t wait to tell everyone about Him? Do you read His love letters to you, the Scriptures? Is He still the most important someone in your life? Or has your relationship with Him begun to cool? Have you become so involved in the unimportant, superficial routine of everyday living that you’ve lost the personal fellowship you once had? These are the questions that touch the very heart of what it means to be a Christian?

Just as in any relationship, just ‘being there’ is no substitute for a real, personal relationship. We take a great risk when we allow our eyes to wander in our earthly relationships. We take an even greater risk when we take our eyes off Jesus. We run the risk of idolatry, another word for the spiritual adultery we commit when we wander away from the Lover of ur souls.

How can you recapture that love you first felt for the Lord? Go back to the beginning. Remember where you were when He found you. What He did for you. How He brought you from the darkness to the light. Repent and turn away from those things that have taken your eyes off Him. Begin spending quality time with Him again. Listening to Him. Worshiping Him.

As Oswald Chambers once wisely said, ‘Never allow anything to fuss with your relationship to Jesus Christ, neither Christian work, nor Christian blessing, nor Christian anything. Jesus Christ, first, second and third. And surely you will form the mind of Christ and become one with Him, as He is One with the Father.’

Remember, too much of even a good thing can be wrong if it distracts you from your devotion to Christ. © 1999 Rachel Whelan

Sunday, January 24, 2010

LET ME LOOK BEYOND

Let me look beyond unfeeling words
Into the heart of pain
Into the deep, unspoken dreams
And tears they’ve shed in vain

Let me look beyond the empty eyes
And see the love inside
Let me see the broken spirit
That’s covered by the pride

Let me look beyond and see the truth
That’s clouded by the lies
Let me see them as you see them, Lord
And not with my own eyes
© 1998 Rachel Whelan

SOME PEOPLE ARE SO RUDE

Some people are so rude, have you ever noticed? For instance, recently I ran into this woman I barely knew in the grocery store. Of course, I wanted to be polite, my mother had raised me well, so I asked her, just in passing mind you, how she was doing. I was somewhat stunned as she actually proceeded to tell me.

She told me about the trouble her son had gotten into and how it had put a strain on her already shaky relationship with her husband. They were always arguing, she said, mostly about money and on top of that her youngest had gotten sick and now they had doctor bills to pay and with their finances already stretched to the limit, she didn’t know how they were going to make it. She went on about how she was at her wit’s end. How she didn’t know where to turn and how she just didn’t know what she was going to do if things didn’t get better soon.

I kept looking off, checking my watch, edging a little further away, hoping she would get the hint that I was in a hurry and didn’t have time for her entire life story, but she just went on and on. Finally, just when I was sure she would never get the hint, she said, “Listen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you with my troubles. I just had to tell somebody.”

I mumbled something about it ‘being alright’ and how I 'understood' that sometimes you just had to 'let those things out’, all the while thinking to myself it must be my ‘lucky’ day. Anyway, I grabbed the opportunity to excuse myself and took off as fast as I could to finish my shopping, glancing up each aisle as I went to make sure she wasn’t around the next corner.

Really, of all the nerve, didn’t this woman know I had problems of my own, not the least of which was trying to make up for the time I’d lost listening to her? What ever happened to the age-old tradition of suffering in silence? Didn’t she have any manners at all? What made her think it mattered to me anyway? What did she expect me to do about it? Didn’t she have family or friends she could unload on? Why me? When I got back to the car, I breathed a sigh of relief, all the while making a mental note to keep an eye out for her car the next time I pulled into the parking lot.

The following Sunday our pastor’s sermon was on bearing one another's burdens. I felt a prick at my conscience as the memory of the woman in the grocery store flashed into my mind, then I thought better of it. Surely, that’s not what the Lord meant. He knew I had been in a hurry that day, surely He understood. Anyway the woman had all the classic signs of becoming a nuisance and my life was complicated enough as it was. Besides, I reasoned, when I told the Lord I was willing to be His hands and feet, I meant things like going to church or writing an occasional check. Perhaps even donating food and clothes to the missions, sending a sympathy card, or inviting someone to church. Saying things like, ‘I’m sorry,’ or ‘I’ll be praying for you.’ Anything beyond that would take a level of commitment I wasn’t sure I wanted to make and surely God didn’t expect more than that.

It would make such demands on my time, if I took the time to listen, I might actually be called on to get involved in other peoples daily lives. Surely when the Lord called me, He didn’t expect that of me. I have schedules to meet, things I ‘have’ to do, things I ‘want’ to do. I have my own family to take care for. I don’t have time to get involved in other peoples lives. I’ve got my own set of problems.

Sometimes it takes a while for the Lord to drive a point home with me, but I think I have finally gotten the message on this one. Jesus never turned a deaf ear to those who cried out to Him. Yet here was this person who had cried out to me for help and I hadn’t felt the least bit of compassion for her. All I could think of was myself. I hadn’t witnessed to her about the love of God. I hadn’t offer to pray with her, or for her. Instead, I was angered that she had dared to make demands on my time, forgetting that the Lord had placed her there for just such a reason and I had blown it. The Lord calls us to be a friend to the friendless, but I had not been her friend, or even her neighbor. I had been nowhere close to being a good Samaritan.

Yes, the Lord drove home a message in my heart that day. Did I learn from it? Yes. Have I always lived up to what I learned that day? No. I still have a long way to go. What did I learn? I learned that it’s one thing to talk about the love of God and quite another to show it. I learned that it’s one thing to talk about His compassion and quite another to offer compassion and comfort and assurance to someone when they are hurting. I learned what it meant to offer a “cup of cold water, in my Name.”

I look at the world around me and see so many hurting people in the world now. Lonely people who desperately need someone they can call a friend. People who feel they have to be strong for their family’s sake, but who sometimes need someone be strong for them, even if just for a few minutes. People who feel they have no one they can turn to and just need to borrow a shoulder. Most of the time it only takes a minute to give them what they need. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes they just need a hug or an encouraging word. Occasionally there are those who need more than just emotional support. They need real physical or financial help. Still others need spiritual assistance. There are people who don’t know the Lord and need to. People in all stages of their walk with Him who need encouragement, for one to come along side and get up under the burden with them. To give them a moment of rest.

What had I been thinking that day? Of course we’re called to share one another’s burdens. Isn’t that what we’re here for? To be the Lord’s eyes, to see the hurting world around us? To be the Lord’s hands, to hold the hand of one who is hurting or needs someone to lift them up? To be the arm He puts around the shoulder of one who is suffering. Isn’t that one of the major ways He shows His love to the world, through us.

Jesus fed those who were hungry, spiritually and physically. He healed those who were sick, spiritually and physically. He didn’t just preach the Good News, He lived it. He didn’t just say a few nice words and offer to pray for people and then walk away. He rolled up His shirt sleeves and got involved. He didn’t just talk about loving one another, He did it. He loved them all, even his enemies.

People aren’t won to Christ merely by words, they are won by those who live out the Gospel in a hurting world, by those who take the time to get personally involved. They are won to Christ by those who take the time out of their busy schedules to say, “yes, I am busy, I do have problems of my own, but people are more important than agendas. The dishes will wait, supper can be a few minutes late, if you’re hurting, let’s talk. If your lonesome, come over. If I don’t have time, I’ll make time." Believe me, I know there are some things in our lives that can’t wait. I know there are things that we must attend to at any given moment in time. I’m not unrealistic.

Look though, if you will, at the life of Mother Theresa. How many lives must that dear woman have touched for the Lord’s sake? Not because she talked about ‘feeling their pain’, but because she cared enough to get personally involved in their lives. She lived among them. She shared in their sufferings, as well as their joys. She knew she could not save the world, but she did her best to save her part of it.

It may mean forgoing that night on the town, it may mean passing up that day to lunch with the girls, you may have to take that twenty dollars you were going to spend on a new shirt or pair of pants to help pay someone’s water bill. You may even be called on to help hang a picture, or mow a lawn. Instead of standing back and shaking your head in disgust because the guy next door is a ‘lazy bum’. I firmly believe that the Lord places people like that in our path in order to see what we will do and one day He will ask us to answer for our response. We need to open our eyes and look for ways to care for those around us. Not just because it’s a nice thing to do. But for His sake, for His glory and for His Name's sake.

We are called to reach out for the lost. We are called to share one another’s burdens. We are called to be our brother’s keeper and those things take time. Much more than just a casual, ‘hi, how you doing', or 'God speed'. Allowing people into your life and your heart is risky and time consuming, but isn’t that what Jesus would have done? Isn’t that what we are here for, to help others establish a relationship with the God who loves us, the God we have not seen, by establishing a relationship with those we have seen.

I don’t mean to point fingers, if I did I most of them would be pointing back at me. I don’t dare think for a minute that I’ve got this thing licked, I haven’t, but that weekend changed me. I just want to share with you what I have learned and like so many others, I learn best from my mistakes. May God forgive me where I’ve failed.

We, the church, need to be actively looking for those around us who need help and think of it as an opportunity to serve Christ. An opportunity to win people to God. Isn’t that what Jesus did? Isn’t that what He calls us to? I can’t remember who said it first, but there is an old saying that goes something like this, ‘Preach the gospel at all times, use words if you must.’ © 1998 Rachel Whelan

Friday, January 8, 2010

SUCCESS

I once knew a man who sought success. He wanted it all — the nice home, the fine clothes, all the trappings of those we consider to be rich and powerful. He never achieved the success he wanted, only the pretense of having achieved it. He seemed content instead to merely associate with those who had ‘made it’, hoping that some of their success would rub off on him.

Whether or not he was capable of creating his own success, or whether he was simply not willing to put forth the necessary effort, I cannot say. Still, I feel certain that when he went home at night, leaving behind those people who gave him a sense of importance, there must have been a great emptiness that engulfed him. While it may have been easy to fool others with his show of success, it couldn’t have been so easy to fool himself. I feel certain when he looked in the mirror and was confronted with the truth of what he saw, that he was not a happy man.

I took a good look at myself a while back, but the mirror I looked into was in the eyes of a friend. As we spoke, I felt a sudden prick at my heart. He didn’t look at me coldly, or harshly. I saw no judgment in his eyes. I did, however, see a great deal of sadness. The same kind of sadness I’m sure many saw in Jesus’ eyes, when they spoke with Him face to face. When their words or actions betrayed the poor, half-hearted way they really loved God.

For a while I had felt something lacking in my walk with the Lord. With that one look, I was forced to search my soul to a new depth and I didn’t much like what I saw. Like the man who sought success, I wanted the peace, the contentment, the joy that comes from a close, meaningful relationship with the Lord, but I had been unwilling to really work at it. Unwilling to spend enough time with Him in prayer, maybe more importantly, in just being quiet before Him, allowing Him to speak to me as He wanted.

It’s not that I wasn’t capable, though I used to excuse myself by saying things like, ‘Lord, you see, I had this really bad childhood. My family life was so messed up that it’s difficult for me to establish a relationship with anyone, even with You.' But, suddenly, He refused to let me blame my past anymore. He made it clear that He wants a relationship with me - one on one. No matter how broken all of my past relationships have been. In other words ‘no excuses’.

He suddenly refused to allow me any longer to be content with just riding the spiritual coattails of others, or to be satisfied by filling my life with experiences or activities, even Godly ones, in place of that relationship with Him. While I might have fooled others, I could not fool myself. When I was alone I could not run away from the emptiness, the aloneness and the discontent I felt for who I was, and in many ways, who I still am.

I am learning that the Lord, in His mercy, will not allow me to be content in that place. He will not allow me to love Him anymore only at my convenience. To be content to pray only when things have gotten so bad that I feel I have no where else to turn. He will no longer accept a half-hearted relationship with Him. It must be all or nothing.

Quite frankly, in some ways, I find the thought of allowing anyone too close to me, even God himself, somewhat frightening. I’ve spent too many years building these walls to protect myself. I’ve spent too many years learning to be self-sufficient. The thought of giving anyone, including the Lord, control of my life, is a scary thing, but somehow, lately, I find it all the more frightening not to.

In His mercy, there have been those times when He has allowed me to feel very close to Him, to taste of His sweetness enough to know that I will never be satisfied with anything less, and, in His mercy, at times He has just as graciously removed His presence from me, to remind me perhaps of what I would be missing, for all of time and eternity, without Him. -- ©1999 Rachel Whelan

***

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I'VE ASKED THE LORD

I’ve asked the Lord to hear my prayer
To change these things I face
And though the answer may seem slow in coming
I know He hears me by His grace

And I know that if He chooses
There’s nothing He can’t do
He can take this veil of sorrow
And He can bring me gently through

But if He chooses not to answer
In quite the way I hoped He would
If He chooses something else for me
I know it all works for my good

If not the answer I was seeking
Then the one that’s best for me
If not the door I hoped would open
Then the one He knows I need

If not the words that I would hear Him speak
Then the ones I need to hear
For if He holds me in His hands
I know I’ve nothing more to fear

I know He watches over me
And He’ll lead me through the pain
And when all is finally said and done
It will not have been in vain

©1998 Rachel Whelan